Your First Game of Tradewars

by Shell

Note: Tradewars is on online role-playing game where you are a spaceship captain, and roam a universe trading, robbing and/or killing away. You also get to build things and gather colonists. There was a browser-based game for several years, but sadly, this has apparently gone by the wayside. If you want to try this game out, the link at the bottom of the page is still active and has resources for you.

On your first game you most likely did the following:

  • Warped around in a Merchant Cruiser with 30 holds. You stopped and ported at ports NOT for money, but for those few experience points you get from finding a ‘neglected’ port. That’s the highlight of your day! “Yes, 50 experience just for porting at this one port!” Heh, you don’t need the money, just those experience points!
  • Asked for help, but never recieved any.
  • FINALLY bought some holds around your 20th day. “Hey, these scanners might do me some good!” You still warped around hitting P and enter a few times, then moved on.
  • Never went good OR evil. You just kept on warping around porting for those experience points. Hey, you might actually have been in the top 10.
  • Listened over fedcomm, wondering `what the heck are these people talking about?!’
  • Bought some gen torps and popped a few planets in a 1 deep tunnel. You farmed class Ms and Us. For weeks, they only had about 1,000 colonists and weren’t even upgrading.
  • Sat in fedspace with over 1,000 experience then wondered “what am doing in this escape pod?”
  • Traded in that escape pod for 1 week and finally bought another cheezy ship.
  • FINALLY bought transwarp for that ship. But, five minutes after you found some fuel ore you blindwarped into a port.
  • Bought ANOTHER ship with twarp, and blind warped again.
  • By now, you’ve blindwarped quite a few times.
  • Put fighters on a L1 planet to defend it.
  • Started a port but didn’t put any commodities on the planet for it to upgrade. Then you wonder, “what’s the deal?”
  • Someone tricks you into `typing cby really fast!’ They said they’d pay you, of course.
  • Gotten killed by nav haz and deployed fighters more times than you an count on your fingers and toes.
  • Went into the Single’s Bar.
  • Gotten killed on the Underground.
  • Had all your holds taken by Ferrengi.
  • Been killed by Ferrengi.
  • Killed aliens and got blown up by corbomite.

If you haven’t done at least 10 of those things (or had them done to you), your first game wasn’t REAL.

Slacker’s Guide to TW2002