Ways to Get Rid of Telephone Solicitors

Bizarre things to say and do to a telephone solicitor to get him to hang up and leave you alone:

  • “So, what are you wearing?”
  • Talk very quietly and then without warning, scream as loud as you can into the phone.
  • “You’ll have to excuse me now, my armpit is on fire.”
  • “I’m sorry, but this phone is for personal calls only. The boss won’t let us use it for business.”
  • Respond to their questions with fax/modem noises.
  • “Have you heard about that study showing that it can cause impotence to sit all day with a telephone receiver next to your head?”
  • When they ask to speak with you, say “Just a moment,” and give the phone to your six-year old child to carry on the conversation.
  • Pretend to be very interested in their product and then quite calmly and earnestly inquire, “Yes, but can it make a six minute casserole?”
  • “I am truly sorry but the moon is in the seventh house of Pluto and my astrologer would just die if he knew I was talking to a salesman during this solar phase.”
  • “This isn’t a recording. This isn’t a recording. This isn’t a recording. This isn’t a recording.”

How To Get Rid of Telemarketers



“Hello! Mr. Michaels?”


“How are you today?”

“OK so far…”

“My name is Debbie from Pointless Industries, and I’m calling to offer you a fabulous new offer that we are offering….”

“Who is this really?”

“My name is Debbie from—“

“How did you get this number?”

“Well.. you are on our list of preferred—“

<urgent whisper> “Listen to me, and listen good! You tell Hugo and his goons I lived up to my end of the deal! I cut up the bodies like he said, I ditched the car like he said, now I’m out of it, understand? You tell him he bothers me or my family again and I take everything I know to the Man, and don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

<hang up>