Things You Will Never See On Jesse Helms’ Website

  • “Jesse’s Gay Chat Room – Y’all Come On Out!”
  • “The RuPaul Fashion Page”
  • “Click here for Jesse’s Fantasy Date with Jenny McCarthy”
  • Fan letter from Susan Sarandon
  • Any recipes that use the word “Shitake”
  • A link to the Lesbian Non-Smokers Against Firearms web page
  • Calendar of upcoming cross burnings
  • Photo of Jesse attempting to organize a mosh pit during recent Neil Diamond concert
  • “Your Civil Rights as a Non-Christian, Non-White, Non-Male, Non-Citizen”
  • “Jesse’s Favorite Soul Food Recipes”
  • Two words: Prostate Cam
  • “Louis Farrakhan’s Online Bow Tie Shop”
  • “The Best Drugs for Doin’ the Nasty”
  • A counter saying anything but, “You are visitor number 00000.”
  • “This page funded in part by a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.”