The Ten Articles of Duct Tape

  • Article I
    Duct Tape cannot fix everything. I promise to refrain from trying to fix the following things with duct Tape:

    • The National Debt
    • The San Andreas Fault
    • A Broken Heart
  • Article II
    Duct tape should not be forced on others. Some people don’t like duct tape on their house, car, chairs, pants, shoes, gloves, tools, televisions, pets, sports gear, and farm equipment, but that’s their problem. I will learn to be more tolerant of these people and keep my duct tape to myself.
  • Article III
    Other forms of tape are probably still necessary, even with duct tape. I am not sure for what, though.
  • Article IV
    I should never exaggerate when telling my friends about my best duct tape stories. As a duct tape “Adhesive Solutions Engineer,” my true exploits are usually hard enough to believe, anyway.
  • Article V
    There are some things that I should throw away, even with duct tape around. (I know that I may need to ask for help in identifying what these things might be).
  • Article VI
    When I forget to take my duct tape with me, it’s okay…
  • Article VII
    People that don’t use duct tape aren’t bad people — they just don’t know any better.
  • Article VIII
    Duct tape is not all-powerful, although it has many of the same attributes as the Force — it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the whole universe together. (“May the Duct Tape be with you.”)
  • Article IX
    I will never misspell duct tape as duck tape…
  • Article X
    It’s okay to admit that I need duct tape in my life — in as many colours, lengths, and widths as is possible — because nobody is perfect. In other words, everyone can use a little duct tape now and then.