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The Kilted Scotsman

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A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whiskey at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, “I’ve always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt.”

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, “Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!” So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt…and saw where the blue ribbon was tied.

After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said… “I don’t know where y’been laddie…but it’s nice ta’ know y’won first prize!”

The First Kilt

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In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he “comes of age” and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, “I’d like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don’t mind, I’d like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!”

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed.

A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop. “Here’s ye kilt, and here’s ye matching underwear, and here’s five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it.”

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend’s house to show off his new purchase.

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.

When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, “Well, what’d ye think?”

“Ah, but dat’s a fine looking kilt,” she exclaimed.

“Aye, and if ye like it, ye’ll really like what’s underneath,” he stated as he lifted his kilt to show her.

“Oh, but dat’s a dandy,” his girlfriend shouted admiringly.

Still not realizing that he didn’t have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, “Aye, and if ye like it, I’ve got five more yards of it at home!”