- Amen
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
- Bulletin
- Parish information, read only during the homily.
- Catholic air conditioning.
- Your receipt for attending Mass.
- Choir
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
- Holy Water
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
- Hymn
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
- Incense
Holy Smoke!
- Jesuits
An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
- Jonah
The original “Jaws” story.
- Justice
When kids have kids of their own.
- Kyrie Eleison
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
- Magi
The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
- Manger
- Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO.
- The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
- Pew
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
- Procession
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
- Recessional
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass – led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
- Recessional Hymn
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
- Relics
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
- Ten Commandments
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
- Ushers
The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.
error: Content is protected !!