Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO, the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch).
These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility. Of course, we all know that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has spent any time programming in Assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instructions.
Frequently when an error is made writing a program in Assembler a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions. These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.
- ARG: Agree to Run Garbage
- BDM: Branch and Destroy Memory
- CMN: Convert to Mayan Numerals
- DDS: Damage Disk and Stop
- EMR: Emit Microwave Radiation
- ETO: Emulate Toaster Oven
- FSE: Fake Serious Error
- GSI: Garble Subsequent Instructions
- GQS: Go Quarter Speed
- HEM: Hide Evidence of Malfunction
- IDD: Inhale Dust and Die
- IKI: Ignore Keyboard Input
- IMU: Irradiate and Mutate User
- JPF: Jam Paper Feed
- JUM: Jeer at Users Mistake
- KFP: Kindle Fire in Printer
- LNM: Launch Nuclear Missiles
- MAW: Make Aggravating Whine
- NNI: Neglect Next Instruction
- OBU: Overheat and Burn if Unattended
- PNG: Pass Noxious Gas
- QWF: Quit Working Forever
- QVC: Question Valid Command
- RWD: Read Wrong Device
- SCE: Simulate Correct Execution
- SDJ: Send Data to Japan
- TTC: Tangle Tape and Crash
- UBC: Use Bad Chip
- VDP: Violate Design Parameters
- VMB: Verify and Make Bad
- WAF: Warn After Fact
- XID: eXchange Instruction with Data
- YII: Yield to Irresistible Impulse
- ZAM: Zero All Memory
- PI : Punch Invalid
- POPI: Punch Operator Immediately
- RASC: Read And Shred Card
- RPM: Read Programmers Mind
- RSSC: Reduce Speed, Step Carefully (for improved accuracy)
- RTAB: Rewind Tape and Break
- RWDSK: ReWind DiSK
- SPSW: Scramble Program Status Word
- SRSD: Seek Record and Scar Disk
- WBT: Water Binary Tree