America | The Joke Archives

Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes right up front.
Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and then top it all off with a DIET coke because they’re concerned about their weight
Do banks leave the doors open and then chain the pens to the counter.
Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have “call waiting” so we won’t miss a call from someone we don’t want to talk to in the first place.
Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Do we use the word “Politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli” (from Latin) means “many”, and “tics”, meaning blood-sucking pests.
Do banks have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Let’s see if I understand the state of personal responsibility in modern-day America.

If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.
If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock ‘n’ roll musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
And, if your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

God bless America, land of the free, home of the blame.

The Joke Archives