Computer One-Liners | The Joke Archives

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
The secret of the universe is #@*%! NO CARRIER
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Error, no keyboard — press F1 to continue.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Double your drive space — delete Windows!
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multitasking?
My computer isn’t that nervous…it’s just a bit ANSI.
Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire!
Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Never violate the Prime Directory! C:
Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once…
Maniac: An early computer built by nuts…
Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk…
Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes…
Captain! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
C:BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
‘Calm down — it’s only ones and zeros.’
‘…. now touch these wires to your tongue!’
According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
It said, ‘Insert disk #3,’ but only two will fit!
RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
Computers are only human.
This time it will surely run.
I just found the last bug.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
It’s redundant! It’s redundant!
Bug? That’s not a bug, that’s a feature.
The programmer’s National Anthem is ‘AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH’
Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE
Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence…
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can’t be fixed…
Microwave: Signal from a friendly micro…
Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory…
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
AAAAAA – American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
CCITT – Can’t Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
Today’s assembler command: EXOP Execute Operator
Justify my text? I’m sorry but it has no excuse.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.