White House Valentine Poems

  • After years of indiscretion,
    at last I’ve come to learn,
    that I must send this Valentine,
    To Whom it May Concern.
  • Valentine, I think you’re great,
    a Chief Executive who can delegate.
    And you warm this First Lady’s heart,
    by having interns do the unpleasant part.
  • On most every day,
    I like McDonald’s fries.
    On Valentine’s Day,
    I prefer Monica’s thighs — Super Sized!
  • Will you deny, Valentine?
  • Hey, Big Creep, on Valentine’s Day,
    we’ll play Marilyn and JFK.
    Just make sure that Hillary’s gone,
    ’cause you get me interned on!

  • How do I love thee?
    Let me count the entries in the visitors’ log.
  • Monica, Monica, quiet young mouse
    — taking her Bill to the floor of the House.
  • Hi there! Happy Valentine’s day!
    Sorry to serve your subpoena this way.
  • Roses are red,
    then they turn gray,
    My heart goes pitter-pat
    when you wear that beret.
  • Shall I compare thee to my high school drama teacher?
  • Twinkle, twinkle, Kenneth Starr,
    I talked to Vernon in the car.
    I promised him my lips are sealed,
    but I’ll change my mind, for a sweet book deal.
  • As soon as I’m finished bombing Iraq,
    I’d like to get you in the sack.
  • Will you,on the night in question of February 14th,
    be my Valentine?
  • Violets are blue,
    roses are thorny.
    All hell breaks loose,
    when Bubba gets horny.
  • I’ll bomb England, I’ll bomb France,
    If you’ll remove my underpants.