CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE: Live tree, planted after use.
MALE: Fake tree, discarded after use.
FEMALE: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur balls.
CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm.
MALE: Bulbs flash logo of football team.
FEMALE: Elegant flickering candles.
REALITY: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down.
CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype.
MALE: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt.
FEMALE: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas.
REALITY: Hell’s Angel steals the tree and the gifts.
CONTROVERSY: Do you fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE: Empower each strand with/self-determining skills.
MALE: Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree.
FEMALE: Each icicle hangs like strand of spaghetti.
REALITY: More icicles on floor than on tree.
CONTROVERSY: Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve or Morning?
YUPPIE: Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules.
MALE: Anytime, just so it doesn’t interfere with football.
FEMALE: Anytime the entire family is present.
REALITY: Doesn’t matter, everyone’s peeked anyway.