Things Not to Say or Do at a Job Interview

  • See photo of interviewer’s family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.
  • Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; ‘Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.’
  • Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: ‘The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don’t ya’ think?’
  • After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, ‘Of course I was totally hammered at the time.’
  • Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.
  • Claim you wouldn’t even need a sit-in’ job if Al Einstein hadn’t stolen your secret patent for- ‘2000 Flushes’
  • Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.
  • Ask if it’s O.K. that you sit on the floor.
  • Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.
  • Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you’re not leaving.
  • Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn’t feel like making anything else up.
  • Ask a secretary if she’ll sit on your lap during interview.
  • Walk into interviewer’s office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; ‘NOW we can begin.’
  • When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout, “You mean Homer and Marge are in some kind of trouble?”, and run out of the room.
  • Sniff two of your fingers, hold out toward interviewer, and ask; ‘Smell these, these smell funny to you???’
  • Upon walking in to the office for first time ask reception to hold all your calls.