Drive Thru Confessional and Wedding Chapel

(disembodied voice from a speaker in the middle of a huge plastic Jesus):

“Thank you for choosing the McChurch of Perpetual Laziness, may I take your order?”

“Uhhh, yeah, I’d like two Big MacFessions, one Get Out Of Hell Scratch Off Card, ummm, a small order of Holy Water, and, ummm, we were gonna get a hotel room later, so I better get one of those McQuickie Weddings.”

“Ok, my son, that’s two Big MacFessions, a Get Out Of Hell Scratch Off Card, a small Holy Water, and a McQuickie Wedding — did you want to SuperSize that? You get an additional scratch off card and a large Holy Water along with your choice of either a free baptism or mirror air freshener in the image of the Baby Jesus Under Our Golden Arches.”

“Cool, yeah, ok, super size it and give me the air freshener thing. Do I get absolution with that or do I still have to do the rosary stuff?”

“Absolution isn’t guaranteed unless you prepay. The rosary stuff is between you and the cashier. Your total is $19.95, my son, please pull to the first window.”

(The car pulls forward. A wooden panel in the wall opens.)

“Yes, my son?”

“Ummm, yes, bless me, McFather, it has been about 45 minutes since my last confession, umm, hey, can I get fries with this?”