Changing a Light Bulb

How Many Church Members
Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

  • Charismatics
    Only one. Hands already in the air.
  • Roman Catholics
    None. They use candles.
  • Pentecostals
    Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
  • Presbyterians
    None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.
  • Episcopalians
    Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
  • Mormons
    Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
  • Unitarians
    We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
  • Baptists
    At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and also one to provide a casserole.
  • Lutherans
    None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.