Tips for Traveling in Alabama

  • Rasslin’ is not fake. Don’t dare whisper otherwise unless you want a kind-hearted Alabamaian to fix your busted head with duct tape.
  • Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.
  • Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff Gordon ain’t.
  • Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on the Ark.
  • If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.
  • Don’t be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
  • “Y’all come back now, ya here,” is a temporary statement. We love Yankees to visit, but darn (or worse) Yankees are those who decide to stay.
  • If you decide to stay in Alabama and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Alabamaians. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ’em biscuits.
  • If you hear some use the word FIX or FIXIN’, and it isn’t in the sense that they are repairing something. Example: I’m FIXIN’ to go to the store…. or “Y’all FIX me a coke in there will ya!” This is a valid part of Alabama grammar and is taught regularly in our English classes at school.