Signs You’re at a Bad National Park

  • The only pictures Ansel Adams took of it were from inside the women’s shower.
  • Joe Camel subbing for vacationing Smokey the Bear.
  • Extremely troubled Head Ranger who blames anything that goes wrong on Scott Baio.
  • A $20 cover and you still gotta pay extra for the lap dances.
  • Malnourished bears holding signs that read, “Will caper amusingly for food.”
  • According to posted signs, not only may you feed the animals, but afterward, you have a right to expect them to put out.
  • Pauly Shore’s face is carved into the side of “Mount Paymore.”
  • Bears not only take your picnic basket at gunpoint, but also make off with your Ford Explorer.
  • Your view of the scenery is blocked by reactor units #2 and #3.
  • “Here we see the oldest mobile home formations in the entire White Trash National Park.”
  • Waterfalls seem to lose some of their majestic power whenever someone flushes a toilet.
  • Proudly proclaims, “100 percent Spotted Owl Free!”
  • When a squirrel runs by, park ranger bolts, screaming, “Run!! Run for your lives!!”
  • Every couple hundred feet along the hiking trails — another Starbucks.
  • “Old Faithful” turns out to be a vacationing Frank Gifford.
  • On the tour, you see more of the Grand Crack in the ranger’s ass than you do of the canyon.