You Might Be A Democrat If…

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  • You can’t talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
  • You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
  • The closest you’ve ever actually been to a rain forest is a Sting concert.
  • You don’t understand why anyone was bothered by Jane’s trip to Hanoi.
  • You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
  • You would rather have Bill Clinton make your investments than Fidelity.
  • You’ve never had to worry about marginal tax rates.
  • You have to use the term “mean spirited” in every sentence when talking about welfare reform.
  • You actually expect to collect Social Security.
  • You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.
  • You have a “Run, Jesse Run” bumper sticker on your diesel Volvo.
  • You think the Great Society has actually worked.
  • You got teary eyed during the film “The American President.”
  • You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.
  • You get goose bumps when Barbra Streisand sings for Bill.
  • You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
  • You’ve tried to get in touch with Hillary’s broker.
  • You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
  • You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
  • You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
  • You think that Vietnam and Bosnia are two completely different situations.
  • You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
  • You like Rolling Stone, but they should really get rid of that PJ O’Rourke guy.
  • You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
  • You know at least one Vegan.
  • You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
  • You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
  • You actually believe that Clinton has created 4 million jobs.
  • You think Capital Formation refers to the Secret Service contingent following Bill on his daily jog to McDonalds.
  • You think that the Teamsters are misunderstood.
  • You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard).
  • You think the anti-war protestors from ’60s are the real heros.
  • You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash.
  • You would send your kids to public schools, if they just had better extracurriculars.
  • You think Al Gore is the second most powerful person in Washington.
  • You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
  • You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
  • You admire the Swedish welfare system.
  • You know that Jefferson really meant to say “Entitled to Happiness.”
  • You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%.
  • You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
  • You know that Vince Foster wasn’t having an affair with Hillary because no one is that desperate.