Reasons Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is a Homosexual

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  • Gilligan: Shipwrecked with a movie star but prefers to bunk with the Skipper.
  • Sipowicz: Sure seems to go through a LOT of partners.
  • The Nanny: Said all she wants for Valentine’s day is “a box from Tiffany.”
  • Reverend Robert Schuller: A robe *and* a crystal cathedral?
  • Fonzie: has an “office” in the men’s room and always tells guys to “sit on it.”
  • That Peter Jennings character on “ABC World News Tonight” is thin, neat and obsessed with the sex life of a guy named Bill.
  • Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble: Fur house dresses? C’mon!
  • Cheers: Check the reruns closely – Woody lives up to his name whenever Norm walks into the bar.
  • Popeye: Vegetarian. Bodybuilder. Dresses like one of the Village People. “Girlfriend” has no visible breasts. You connect the dots, Chester.
  • Why do you think they were called “Sweathogs”?
  • Alex Trebek: Lives with his mom and knows *way* too much about Broadway musicals and potpourri.
  • The letters in “The Teletubbies” can be rearranged to read, “He bites eel butt.”
  • Batman & Robin: They caress a bust, which reveals a pole that they wrap themselves around and slide down which strips them of their clothes and puts them in rubber suits and… Okay, maybe Falwell’s got something here.
  • David Hasselhoff: 147 episodes of “Baywatch” with nary an erection.
  • “Dr. Quinn, Lesbian Woman”