The Exterminator

A man living near the Bronx Zoo wakes up one morning and looks out the window. There, sitting in a tree in his backyard, is a big gorilla. In a panic he looks in the yellow pages for gorilla exterminators and finds one listing. He quickly dials the number, and when a man answers, he shouts, “Please hurry! I have a gorilla in a tree in my backyard!”

When the exterminator pulls up in front of the man’s house, the man runs out excitedly, telling him that the gorilla hasn’t moved at all. So the exterminator says, “Good. Help me unload the truck.”

The exterminator takes out a ladder, a baseball bat, an English bulldog, a large piece of rope, and a shotgun. They take all this stuff around to the side of the house, and just before they round the corner to the backyard, the exterminator stops.

“Okay,” he says to the man, “you’re going to have to help me with this. Now, I’ve done this many times before, and there’s never been any problem. But you must listen very carefully.”

“First, I’m going to go around to the other side of the tree, behind the gorilla, put the ladder against the tree, and climb up. Next I’m going to hit the gorilla with the baseball bat and knock him out of the tree. Now, you will be holding this English bulldog by the leash. When the gorilla hits the ground, you let go of the leash. This English bulldog has been specially trained to do one thing and one thing only. He will run up to the gorilla and bite the gorilla’s balls off. This will stun the gorilla, and while he is in this state of shock, you and I will run up with the large piece of rope, tie up the gorilla, and load him into the back of my truck. You got it?”

“Yes,” said the man.

“Now, it’s very important that we do everything in the proper sequence, so I want you to repeat the entire procedure to me.”

“Okay,” says the man. “First, you climb up the ladder behind the gorilla, then you hit the gorilla with the baseball bat, knocking him out of the tree. When he hits the ground, I let go of the specially trained English bulldog and he will run up and bite the gorilla’s balls off. This will stun the gorilla, and while he is in this state of shock, we run up with the large piece of rope and tie him up. Then we load him into the back of your truck.”

“Okay. You got it,” says the exterminator. “Let’s go.”

He is just about to start to move toward the tree when the man says, “Hey, wait a minute! What’s the shotgun for?”

“Oh, yeah,” says the exterminator, “I almost forgot to tell you. That’s the most important part! Now, this is just a precaution — it has never happened before, but in the event that the gorilla should somehow knock me out of the tree, shoot the dog.