When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot
revenge against the scum sucking bastard/bitch who made you sad.

When you are scared, I will laugh at you and tease
you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, I will tell you how much worse
it could be and to quit complaining.

When you are confused, I will use little words
to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick, I will hold your hair while you
pay homage to the porcelain god.

When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath; I pledge till the end.

Why you may ask? Because you’re my friend.