Irritations of Life

  • You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
  • The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
  • The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
  • There’s always a car riding your tail when you’re slowing down to find an address.
  • You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
  • It’s bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don’t realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
  • The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
  • There’s a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
  • You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
  • Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
  • You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
  • You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
  • Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you’re trying to get a reading.
  • A station comes in brilliantly when you’re standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
  • There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.
  • You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
  • The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
  • A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
  • You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
  • The radio station doesn’t tell you who sang that song.
  • You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
  • People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
  • Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
  • You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don’t know how to spell it.
  • You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just browsing.
  • You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can’t find it.
  • You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.