Top Ten Changes to Cable Television Resulting from AOL Acquiring Time Warner

  1. When you turn on your television, you’ll hear “You’ve got Pay Per View”.
  2. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just wont work.
  3. Test Patterns: Televisions equivilent to a busy signal.
  4. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.
  5. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can’t cancel, no matter how hard you try.
  6. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your friends will know when you are watching television.
  7. Childproof features on cable will prevent you from receiving programs from undesirable sources, including ones you really do want to receive.
  8. The cable repairman tells you to turn your TV off and back on again when you report your cable is on the fritz…. again.
  9. Relatives in neighboring towns make fun of you because you don’t have a “real” cable company like they do.
  10. “You’ve been watching TV too long. Your connection has been terminated.”

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