The Perfect Day

For Her



  • 08:15 Wake-up to hugs and kisses.

  • 08:30 Weigh in 5 pounds lighter than yesterday.

  • 08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.

  • 09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

  • 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

  • 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out.

  • 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.

  • 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend’s wife, she has gained 30 pounds.

  • 13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

  • 15:00 Nap.

  • 16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.

  • 16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.

  • 17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror.

  • 19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

  • 22:00 Hot shower (alone).

  • 22:30 Make love.

  • 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

  • 23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

For Him



  • 06:00 Alarm.

  • 06:15 Get oral sex.

  • 06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.

  • 07:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee.

  • 07:30 Limo arrives.

  • 07:45 Stoli Bloody Mary en-route to airport.

  • 08:15 Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, Sports Illustrated and Wall Street Journal).

  • 09:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

  • 09:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under).

  • 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.

  • 12:15 Get oral sex.

  • 12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under).

  • 14:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini).

  • 14:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).

  • 15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew.

  • 16:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs).

  • 17:00 G4 back home, massage & hand job en-route by naked Elle McPhereson.

  • 18:45 Poop, shower and shave.

  • 19:00 Watch CNN news-flash: Obama resigns; Hillary and Al Gore’s farm-animal video released and authenticated.

  • 19:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak

  • 21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar.

  • 21:30 Sex with three women.

  • 23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.

  • 23:45 Bed (alone).

  • 23:50 12 second, 4-octave, dog-leaves-the-room flatulence explosion.

  • 23:55 Giggle oneself to sleep.