For Her

• 08:15 Wake-up to hugs and kisses.


• 08:30 Weigh in 5 pounds lighter than yesterday.


• 08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.


• 09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.


• 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.


• 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out.


• 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.


• 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend’s wife, she has gained 30 pounds.


• 13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.


• 15:00 Nap.


• 16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.


• 16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.


• 17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror.


• 19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.


• 22:00 Hot shower (alone).


• 22:30 Make love.


• 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.


• 23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

For Him

• 06:00 Alarm.


• 06:15 Get oral sex.


• 06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.


• 07:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee.


• 07:30 Limo arrives.


• 07:45 Stoli Bloody Mary en-route to airport.


• 08:15 Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, Sports Illustrated and Wall Street Journal).


• 09:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.


• 09:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under).


• 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.


• 12:15 Get oral sex.


• 12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under).


• 14:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini).


• 14:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).


• 15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew.


• 16:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs).


• 17:00 G4 back home, massage & hand job en-route by naked Elle McPhereson.


• 18:45 Poop, shower and shave.


• 19:00 Watch CNN news-flash: Obama resigns; Hillary and Al Gore’s farm-animal video released and authenticated.


• 19:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak


• 21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar.


• 21:30 Sex with three women.


• 23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.


• 23:45 Bed (alone).


• 23:50 12 second, 4-octave, dog-leaves-the-room flatulence explosion.


• 23:55 Giggle oneself to sleep.