Category Archives: Quizzes

Brain Damage Quiz

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Following is a quiz. Please answer all questions honestly, and to the best of your ability, or your answers may not be honest, or to the best of your ability.

  1. People tell me one thing one day and out the other. (T/F)
  2. I can’t unclasp my hands. (T/F)
  3. I can wear my shirts as pants. (T/F)
  4. I feel as much like I did yesterday as I do today. (T/F)
  5. At parties, I like to sit by myself and collect a great deal of saliva. (T/F)
  6. I often mistake my hands for food. (T/F)
  7. I’d rather eat soap than little stones. (T/F)
  8. I never liked room temperature. (T/F)
  9. I line my pockets with hot cheese. (T/F)
  10. My throat is closer than it seems. (T/F)
  11. I am annoyed by the taste of my teeth. (T/F)
  12. Sometimes I feel compelled to count the freckles on my arms over and over until I lose control of my bladder. (T/F)
  13. Most things are better eaten than forgotten. (T/F)
  14. Likes and dislikes are among my favorites. (T/F)
  15. My patio is covered with killer frost. (T/F)
  16. I’ve lost all sensation in my shirt. (T/F)
  17. I try to swallow at least three times a day. (T/F)
  18. My best friend is a social worker. (T/F)
  19. I’ve always known when to close my eyes. (T/F)
  20. My squirrels don’t know where I am tonight. (T/F)
  21. Little can be said for Luxembourg. (T/F)
  22. No napkin is sanitary enough for me. (T/F)
  23. I walk this way because I have to. (T/F)
  24. Walls impede my progress. (T/F)
  25. I can’t find my marmots. (T/F)
  26. I like mechanics magazines, but I would rather fondle a marine. (T/F)
  27. My uncle is as stupid as paste. (T/F)
  28. I can pet animals by the mouthful. (T/F)
  29. My toes are numbered. (T/F)
  30. Man’s reach should exceed his overbite. (T/F)
  31. People tell me I’m deaf. (T/F)
  32. My beaver won’t go near the water. (T/F)
  33. I can find my ears, but I have to look for them. (T/F)
  34. I don’t like any of my loved ones. (T/F)
  35. Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I’ve done something before. (T/F)
  36. Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I’ve done something before. (T/F)
  37. A good friend should stick to the ceiling when the going gets rough. (T/F)

Brain Teasers

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  1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
  2. How many states are there? (Don’t laugh, some people don’t know)!
  3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty’s torch?
  4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell’s soup label?
  5. What 2 letters don’t appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)
  6. What 2 #s (on that same telephone dial) don’t have letters by them?
  7. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
  8. How many matches are in a standard pack?
  9. On USA flag, is the top stripe red or white?
  10. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
  11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter-or clockwise?
  12. Which way does a “no smoking” sign’s slash run?
  13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
  14. Which side of a women’s blouse are the buttons on?
  15. On an NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?
  16. Which way do fans rotate?
  17. Whose face is on a dime?
  18. How many sides does a stop sign have?
  19. Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?
  20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
  21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
  22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who’s missing?
  23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
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  25. On which playing card is the cardmaker’s trademark?
  26. On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
  27. On the back of a $1, what is in the center?
  28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
  29. How many curves are in a standard paper clip?
  30. Does a merry-go-round turn counterclockwise or clockwise?

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The Answers….

  1. Bottom
  2. 50 (please tell me you at least got this one!)
  3. right
  4. blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold
  5. Q, Z
  6. 1, 0
  7. left
  8. 20
  9. Red
  10. 88
  11. counter (unless you happen to be south of the equator)
  12. towards bottom right
  13. 12 (no #1)
  14. right
  15. top
  16. clockwise as you look at it
  17. Roosevelt
  18. 8
  19. left
  20. 5
  21. 6
  22. Bashful
  23. 6
  24. Did you notice question #24 was blank?
  25. Ace of spades
  26. left
  27. ONE
  28. *, #
  29. 3
  30. counter

More Brain Teasers

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  1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
  2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
  3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it’s highest, how many rungs are under water?
  4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?
  5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
  6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. How did Sloppy die?
  7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
  8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada?
  9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.
  10. What can go up a chimney down, but can’t go down a chimney up?
  11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
  12. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

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    1. Incorrectly.
    2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, he gave a quarter to two.
    3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Duh.
    4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the north pole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
    5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition. So… half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
    6. Sloppy is a goldfish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him.
    7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it’s still a hole: the absence of dirt. (And those of you who said 36 cubic feet are wrong for another reason, too. You would have needed the length measurement too. So you don’t even know how much air is in the hole.)
    8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F water hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30 degree F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing about that bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to slow the ball down…
    9. The time and month/date/year are 12:34, 5/6/78.
    10. An umbrella.
    11. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
    12. The temperature.

Caffeine Addict’s Quiz

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Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans, hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of Ugandans every year. If that doesn’t scare you, let’s just say that you are more susceptible than anyone else. YES, YOU! If you suffer from this disease, missing just one trip to Starbucks could be FATAL.

The following series of Yes/No questions will allow us to determine your Addiction Factor(TM). Keep track of the number of Yes and No answers you get and chart yourself at the end. Remember: Prevention is the best medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on.

  1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
  2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it’s easier?
  3. Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
  4. Do you find that it’s easier to drink more coffee than go to sleep?

  5. Have you ever drunk:
    a) cold coffee?
    b) Right out of the pot?

  6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and/or coffee related products?
  7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
  8. Has anyone ever told you that you “have a problem”?

  9. Do you need coffee:
    a) to get up in the morning?
    b) to get out of bed?
    c) to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?

  10. Do you own a “Coffee Helmet”? (For the culturally ignorant, a coffee-helmet is a hat with coffee-cups attached to it and a straw coming out of each cup leading to the mouth, used for hands-free drinking.)
  11. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you “Ona mac towanda” (Smells-like-coffee)?
  12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency?
  13. Have you ever sold personal or other people’s possessions just to get your fix for the day?
  14. Does the phrase “Swiss water decaffeinated” strike terror into your heart?

  15. a) Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
    b) …in more than five?
    c) …in your bathroom?

  16. a) Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?
    b) …because you’re wearing out their hole-punch?
    c) …and it’s bad for the environment?

  17. Do you grind your own coffee?
  18. Do you grow your own coffee?
  19. Have you ever been fired from a job because you’re “drinking their profits”?

  20. a) Do you know Juan Valdez?
    b) …and his donkey?
    c) …intimately?

  21. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?

  22. a) Is sleep a hobby of yours?
    b) …that you don’t like?
    c) …because it’s too frustrating?

Response Ratio Addiction Factor(TM) Analysis
Yes No
20-22  0-2 You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life and you are very wise.
17-19  3-5 You are a slightly jagged member of society, life’s okay but it could be better and you are relatively naive.
 0-16  6-22  What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger!? Coffee’s not good enough for you, huh? Here, have some more TOFU! How about some ALFALFA TEA?!?

Aptitude Test

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  1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
  2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills have been taken?
  3. I went to bed at eight o’clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o’clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm?
  4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
  5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
  6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?
  7. A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear?
  8. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?
  9. How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?
  10. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what’s the name of the driver?

Answers:

  1. All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
  2. 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o’clock, then another at 1:30 and the last at 2 o’clock, they will be taken in 1 hour.
  3. 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between am and pm.
  4. 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
  5. 9 live sheep.
  6. The match.
  7. White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.
  8. 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
  9. None. It was Noah, not Moses.
  10. YOU are the driver.

Mind Tricks

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This little Jedi mind trick is kinda freaky, till you think about it a little while. Then it’s even more weird. Just follow the instructions below:

DON’T scroll down too fast, do it slowly and follow the instructions below exactly, do the math in your head as fast as you can. It may help to say the answers aloud quietly.

FOLLOW these instructions one at a time and as QUICKLY as you can!

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What is:

  • 2+2?
  • 4+4?
  • 8+8?
  • 16+16?

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Quick! Pick a number between 12 and 5.

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Got it?

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The number you picked was 7.

Ready for another?
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can! Don’t advance until you’ve done wach of them. Now, ARROW down, but not too fast, you might miss something………

What is:

  • 1+5
  • 2+4
  • 3+3
  • 4+2
  • 5+1

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Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 10 seconds. Then scroll down.

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QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! Then scroll down.

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You’re thinking of a carrot.

If not….
you’re among the 2% of the population whose minds are warped enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer ‘carrot’ when given this exercise.

Gay Annual Self-Examination

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Gentlemen, it’s time for your annual “Am I Gay Self-Examination”!
  1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
  2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay – it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat… “Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.
  3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in fag training.
  4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he urinates where he pleases.
  5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like the poop chute. Coffee is to be strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim” and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you’ve had NutraSweet in your mouth, you’ve had a man there, too.
  6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
  7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
  8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too.

1998 Number Game

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You figure it! It’s amazing!!!!! (Some mathematician was really bored!) DON’T scroll to the bottom of the page yet. It only takes about 30 seconds to do this simple test.

Work it out as you read down. Don’t read the bottom of the page until you have worked it out!!!

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  1. First of all, pick the number of days a week that you would like to go out.
  2. Multiply this number by 2.
  3. Add 5.
  4. Multiply the new number by 50.
  5. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1748, if you haven’t, add 1747.
  6. Last step: Subtract the four digit year that you were born.

see below…

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RESULTS:

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HERE IT COMES

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You should now have a three digit number:
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to go out each week).
The second two digits are your age!
This is the only year it will ever work, so spread the joy around by mailing this to everyone you know.