How to Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner

  • Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.
  • Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta cheese into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
  • Shoot olive pits at Grandpa’s glasses. (Just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)
  • Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud “BUZZ”ing noise.
  • Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.
  • Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.
  • Hold your nose while you eat.
  • Announce that you’ve got a new fear of choking.
  • When you arrive, promise that your date won’t be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.