My computer crashed and died today
And I thought, “oh well what the hey”
Now I’d have time to clean my house
And see if I still had a spouse
It started out with weird frustrations
Combined with mild heart palpitations
And then my ankles began to swell
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL
Chills ran up and down my spine
Oh, God I had to get on-line
To greet my buds and check my mail
I began to feel helpless and frail
Then I remembered the Good Guy’s Store
And all those computers by the door
I’d go there and when alone
With no one looking I’d sign-on
I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound
Then I typed my password, and the computer said, “Goodbye”
And that’s what I kept hearing each time that I would try.
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix
I …slowly… typed… my… password…
then…I…stood….and…waited
The darned thing said , “Goodbye” again and I got real frustrated
That’s when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen
And the last thing I remember is my loud shreiking scream
When I woke I was handcuffed being booked I think
I asked the data entry cop, if he’d get me a drink
Now I’m sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well.
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

So here I sit, in all my glory…
Lend me an ear, and I’ll tell ya a story…
Once had a wife–she was such a dear,
Then came AOL, and it all disappeared!

Now there she sits , for hours on end…
don’t care where I’m goin’, don’t care where I’ve been.
It could be two, or it could be nine…
she really doesn’t care, long as she’s online.

She gets outta work and rushes home,
She comes in screaming at me, “Get off the phone!”
Where the hell’s my hug? Where is my kiss?
But she’s at the computer–that’s all she missed!

Talking to buddies, checking the mail
All her priorities–I’m in cyber Hell!!
My stomach’s growling–it’s so unfair!
No clean dishes and I’m out of underwear!

Drink me a beer, stare at the walls
I’ll pick at my teeth while I’m scratching my balls
Farting and burping all while I pee
Can you believe she’s there?? She could be with ME!!

My computer broke down.
It crashed and burned!
And for my AOL,
I really yearned!
I tried to stay busy…
And keep it off my mind.
So I went to Wal-Mart,
and got on their PC.
The cashier in electronics
was staring at me.
But I didn’t care.
I had to get on line!
Check my mail,
and see what buddies I can find.
I drew a crowd
as I began to cry.
I couldn’t find the password
no matter how hard I tried!
I need my AOL!!
I got to have my fix!!
Go to my favorite places,
check out some cool pics.
The cashier called Security!
I heard her whisper low,
“We have ourselves a Psycho here”
and she has got to go!”
Security rushed over.
Not long did he stall.
Obviously he has never suffered
from AOL withdrawal.
He slapped cuffs on my wrists
and threw me out the door!
Then he looked at me and said,
“Don’t come round here no more!”
I feel so embarrassed!!
I have sunk so low!
To be kicked out of Wal-Mart….
How low can I go?
So I’ll try really hard now
to rid myself of this affliction.
Get rid of these bad habits
and my AOL addiction!