No more face lifts and tummy-tucks…just have somebody pull a handful, wad it all in a bunch behind your back, and tie it off.
Forget driving…at 100+ you’ve been everywhere, anyway.
At 100, you can insult whoever you want because nobody wants to yell at your for fear they’ll give you a heart attack. Never do this with your nurses, however…
Pretend you can’t hear and make your visitors scream at the top of their lungs as they describe the weather outside. Watch for others’ reactions.
Make blatantly obscene come-ons to younger members of the opposite sex…they’ll just smile awkwardly and dismiss it as senility anyway.
Describe your sponge bath in perfect detail and watch for reactions.
When the art teacher tries to make “dough-art” crafts with you, immediately consume the dough.
Remember, the food on the tray next to you is just as good – if not better – than your own.
Nurses’ lounges are known for the best lunches and snacks in town. Approach with stealth during bath and recreation time. Forget about napkins…especially with the BBQ rib dinners.
Mumble unintelligible ramblings and stare into space. When the activities director hands you a crayola and paper, write this on it: “get me some cake”. It usually works the first time only.
Always go to the activities classes…especially if you like cookies and bananas. Remember: a full glass of punch, well placed in elbow’s reach, can bring excitement to any dull gathering.
Watch the faces of visitors who have to push the wheelchair of a person with a catheter bag…especially when they accidently kick the bag!
For the young and young-at-heart:…find a convalescent hospital in your area. There will be at LEAST one person who has no family, no friends, no visitors. A visit for even 15 minutes a week will bring a spot of daylight in a very dark, dismal world.