{"id":903,"date":"2014-12-25T21:25:31","date_gmt":"2014-12-25T19:25:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=903"},"modified":"2014-12-25T21:25:31","modified_gmt":"2014-12-25T19:25:31","slug":"internet-technical-support","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=903","title":{"rendered":"Internet Technical Support"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was &#8220;running it under Windows.&#8221;<br \/>\nThe woman responded, &#8220;No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Tech Support: &#8220;How much free space do you have on your hard drive?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded 10 hours of free space. Is that enough?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Tech Support: &#8220;Ok Bob, let&#8217;s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter &#8216;P&#8217; to bring up the Program Manager.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I don&#8217;t have a &#8216;P&#8217;.&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;On your keyboard, Bob.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;What do you mean?&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;&#8216;P&#8217; on your keyboard, Bob.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I&#8217;m not going to do that!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Overheard in a computer shop:<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I&#8217;d like a mouse mat, please.&#8221;<br \/>\nSalesperson: &#8220;Certainly sir, we&#8217;ve got a large variety.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;But will they be compatible with my computer?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.<\/li>\n<li>Customer: &#8220;Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><li>I work for a local ISP. Frequently, we receive phone calls that go something like this:<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Hi. Is this the Internet?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to &#8220;The Internet.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;So that&#8217;ll get me connected to the Internet, right?&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;Yeah.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;And that&#8217;s the latest version of the Internet, right?&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;Uhh&#8230;uh&#8230;uh&#8230;yeah.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Tech Support: &#8220;All right&#8230;now double-click on the File Manager icon.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;That&#8217;s why I hate this Windows &#8211; because of the icon. I&#8217;m a Protestant, and I don&#8217;t believe in icons.&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;Well, that&#8217;s just an industry term sir. I don&#8217;t believe it was meant to-&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I don&#8217;t care about any &#8216;Industry Terms&#8217;. I don&#8217;t believe in icons.&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;Well why don&#8217;t you click on the &#8216;little picture&#8217; of a file cabinet? Is &#8216;little picture&#8217; ok?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: [click]<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;My computer crashed!&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;It crashed?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Yeah, it won&#8217;t let me play my game.&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;No, it didn&#8217;t crash &#8211; it crashed.&#8221;<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;Huh?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I crashed my game. That&#8217;s what I said before. Now it doesn&#8217;t work.&#8221;<br \/>\nTurned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.<br \/>\nTech Support: &#8220;Click on &#8216;File,&#8217; then &#8216;New Game.'&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: [pause] &#8220;Wow! How&#8217;d you learn how to do that?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was &#8220;running it under Windows.&#8221; The woman responded, &#8220;No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[406,849,1408],"class_list":["post-903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-computer","tag-internet","tag-technical-support"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=903"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}