{"id":829,"date":"2014-12-24T21:50:19","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T19:50:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=829"},"modified":"2014-12-24T21:50:19","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T19:50:19","slug":"going-outside","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=829","title":{"rendered":"Going Outside"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Face it, you&#8217;re gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you&#8217;re going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go &#8230; OUTSIDE!!! Here&#8217;s a guide:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<p><li>Wear pants<br \/>\nCountless attempts to better oneself have been cut tragically short by leaving the house without proper attire.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Use your real name<br \/>\nSorry, but nobody will be impressed if you go by the name &#8220;2HOT4U&#8221;, &#8220;Monarch&#8221; or &#8220;SATAN666.&#8221; Names like &#8220;Steve&#8221; or &#8220;Greg&#8221; are just fine.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The telephone is your friend<br \/>\nHear that ringing sound? Pick up the phone. Now speak into it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>If your car crashes, you cannot simply reboot it.<\/li>\n<li>Do not be surprised that nobody looks like Gillian Anderson or Emma Stone.<\/li>\n<p><li>Do not flame people<br \/>\nComparing everyone you disagree with to unclean primates will not win you friends. In fact, you may get into a physical fight. If so, the next tip may be of help.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>That Red Stuff is Called Blood<br \/>\nNot to be confused with ketchup, blood is what keeps you alive. If you are leaking, the real world offers human tech support in the form of doctors and hospitals.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Face it, you&#8217;re gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you&#8217;re going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go &#8230; OUTSIDE!!! Here&#8217;s a guide: Wear pants Countless attempts to better oneself have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[406,698,1114],"class_list":["post-829","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-computer","tag-geek","tag-outside"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/829","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=829"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/829\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=829"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=829"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=829"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}