{"id":825,"date":"2014-12-24T21:46:14","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T19:46:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=825"},"modified":"2014-12-24T21:46:14","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T19:46:14","slug":"about-that-glass-next-to-the-keyboard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=825","title":{"rendered":"About That Glass Next to the Keyboard"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ve heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whther you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<p><li>Optimist:<br \/>\nThe glass is half full.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Pessimist:<br \/>\nThe glass is half empty.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Apple Computer:<br \/>\nYou guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Assembly programmers:<br \/>\nNo thanks; I drink straight from the cow.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Basic programmers:<br \/>\nNo thanks; I&#8217;m still breast feeding.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bill Gates:<br \/>\nNot enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>C Programmers:<br \/>\nNo thanks; I drink straight from the jug.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>CIA:<br \/>\nWhat makes you think that&#8217;s milk?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>National news media:<br \/>\nHey, we wanted OJ!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Non-procedural language programmers:<br \/>\nI drank it when nobody was looking.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>NSA:<br \/>\nWe know what it really is.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Paranoid:<br \/>\nHere is a glass just sitting here. Why? Who put it here?<br \/>\nWHY WHY WHY!!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Pascal programmers:<br \/>\nWell, what type of milk is it?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Pentium users:<br \/>\nI drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don&#8217;t hold me to that.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Prolog programmers:<br \/>\nI know I drank it &#8211; just don&#8217;t ask me how.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Copy protection crazies:<br \/>\nSomebody drank half my milk and didn&#8217;t pay for it!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Faith-healer:<br \/>\nIf we worship it, it will feel better.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Feminist:<br \/>\nHow come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Free Software Foundation:<br \/>\nThat milk is the cow&#8217;s contribution to all mankind!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Futurist:<br \/>\nThe milk&#8217;s in the wrong half of the glass.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Fuzzy logic guys:<br \/>\nI may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>IBM:<br \/>\nRent the glass from us and we&#8217;ll fill it with something we know is<br \/>\ngood for you.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Idealist:<br \/>\nIn a decent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big<br \/>\nenough for everyone to enjoy.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>IRS:<br \/>\nThanks for getting your milk witholding correct this year.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Mac users:<br \/>\nWhere&#8217;s my pump?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>MIS:<br \/>\nI&#8217;LL DRINK IT IF YOU CAN GIVE ME UNTIL NEXT YEAR.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Schroedinger:<br \/>\nThat stupid cat got into the milk again!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Security consultant:<br \/>\nWhere&#8217;d the rest of the milk go?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Shareware game author:<br \/>\nThat glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>UI designers:<br \/>\nWhat&#8217;s that crap in my glass?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>UNIX users:<br \/>\nNahh &#8230; too easy.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Windows users:<br \/>\nWhere&#8217;s my straw?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ve heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whther you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard. Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Apple Computer: [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[406,724,1484],"class_list":["post-825","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-computer","tag-glass","tag-users"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/825","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=825"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/825\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=825"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=825"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=825"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}