{"id":792,"date":"2014-12-24T20:47:19","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:47:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=792"},"modified":"2014-12-24T20:47:19","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:47:19","slug":"do-you-need-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=792","title":{"rendered":"Do You Need Help?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hello. Yes, you! You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your Internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help. We’re a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.<\/p>\n

We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never “cured,” you most certainly can recover.<\/p>\n

We have designed a brief checklist to determine IF you are an addict. Do you:<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n
  1. Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?<\/li>\n
  2. Check e-mail more than five times a day?<\/li>\n
  3. Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?<\/li>\n
  4. Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?<\/li>\n
  5. Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you’ll receive a reply one day from a company you’ll never do business with anyway?<\/li>\n
  6. Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?<\/li>\n
  7. Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?<\/li>\n
  8. Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you’d usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?<\/li>\n
  9. See smoke arising from your computer or cable modem?<\/li>\n
  10. All of the above?<\/li>\n

    <\/OL><\/p>\n

    If you answered yes to four or more questions, (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at: 1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORSWEETPETESSAKES. We’re here, we’re free, and we’re confidential. The first step to recovery is an admission that you have a problem. Call us today. If you can power off to free up your phone line, that is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Hello. Yes, you! You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your Internet addiction. At […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[103,406,849],"class_list":["post-792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-addict","tag-computer","tag-internet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=792"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}