{"id":776,"date":"2014-12-24T20:33:16","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:33:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=776"},"modified":"2014-12-24T20:33:16","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:33:16","slug":"computer-viruses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=776","title":{"rendered":"Computer Viruses"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>PBS Virus<br \/>\nYour programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Elvis Virus<br \/>\nYour computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Ollie North Virus<br \/>\nCauses your printer to become a paper shredder.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Nike Virus<br \/>\nJust does it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Sears Virus<br \/>\nYour data won&#8217;t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Jimmy Hoffa Virus<br \/>\nYour programs can never be found again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Kevorkian Virus<br \/>\nHelps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Health Care Virus<br \/>\nTests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>George Bush Virus<br \/>\nIt starts by boldly stating, &#8220;Read my docs&#8230; no new files!&#8221; on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Colin Powell Virus<br \/>\nMakes its presence known, but doesn&#8217;t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bill Clinton Virus<br \/>\nCorrupts your help files by fondling them, then denies anything has happened.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Hillary Clinton Virus<br \/>\nFiles disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Barack Obama Virus<br \/>\nWe are not sure where this one came from, but it spends every cent you and your entire state will ever earn for the next 10 generations on family vacations and then asks for time off.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>O.J. Simpson Virus<br \/>\nYou know it&#8217;s guilty of trashing your system, but you just can&#8217;t prove it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bob Dole Virus<br \/>\nCould be virulent, but it&#8217;s been around too long to be much of a threat.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bobbitt Virus<br \/>\nRemoves a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Oprah Winfrey Virus<br \/>\nYour 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200GB.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Paul Revere Virus<br \/>\nThis revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C:<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Politically Correct Virus<br \/>\nNever identifies itself as a &#8220;virus,&#8221; but instead refers to itself as an &#8220;electronic micro-organism&#8221;.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Arnold Schwarzeneggar Virus<br \/>\nTerminates and stays resident. It&#8217;ll be back.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Dan Quayle Virus<br \/>\nTheir is sumthing rong with yor komputer, but ewe cant figyour outt watt!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Federal Bureaucrat Virus<br \/>\nDivides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Texas Virus<br \/>\nMakes sure that it&#8217;s bigger than any other file.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Adam and Eve Virus<br \/>\nTakes a couple bytes out of your Apple.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Airline Luggage Virus<br \/>\nYou&#8217;re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Freudian Virus<br \/>\nYour computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother board.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Star Trek Virus<br \/>\nInvades your system in places where no virus has gone before.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>PBS Virus Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. Elvis Virus Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Ollie North Virus Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. Nike Virus Just does it. Sears Virus Your data [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[406,413,924],"class_list":["post-776","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-computer","tag-computer-virus","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/776","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=776"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/776\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=776"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=776"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=776"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}