{"id":770,"date":"2014-12-24T20:30:42","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:30:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=770"},"modified":"2014-12-24T20:30:42","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:30:42","slug":"computer-one-liners","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=770","title":{"rendered":"Computer One-Liners"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.<\/li>\n<li>The secret of the universe is #@*%! NO CARRIER<\/li>\n<li>Did anyone see my lost carrier?<\/li>\n<li>Error, no keyboard &#8212; press F1 to continue.<\/li>\n<li>Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.<\/li>\n<li>Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.<\/li>\n<li>Double your drive space &#8212; delete Windows!<\/li>\n<li>Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.<\/li>\n<li>C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.<\/li>\n<li>Is reading in the bathroom considered Multitasking?<\/li>\n<li>My computer isn&#8217;t that nervous&#8230;it&#8217;s just a bit ANSI.<\/li>\n<li>Honey, I Formatted the Kid!<\/li>\n<li>Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire!<\/li>\n<li>Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.<\/li>\n<li>Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?<\/li>\n<li>Never violate the Prime Directory! C:<\/li>\n<li>Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Maniac: An early computer built by nuts&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Captain! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!<\/li>\n<li>C:BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.<\/li>\n<li>ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.<\/li>\n<li>How do I set my laser printer on stun?<\/li>\n<li>&#8216;Calm down &#8212; it&#8217;s only ones and zeros.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>&#8216;&#8230;. now touch these wires to your tongue!&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>According to my calculations the problem doesn&#8217;t exist.<\/li>\n<li>It said, &#8216;Insert disk #3,&#8217; but only two will fit!<\/li>\n<li>RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!<\/li>\n<li>Computers are only human.<\/li>\n<li>This time it will surely run.<\/li>\n<li>I just found the last bug.<\/li>\n<li>The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s redundant! It&#8217;s redundant!<\/li>\n<li>Bug? That&#8217;s not a bug, that&#8217;s a feature.<\/li>\n<li>The programmer&#8217;s National Anthem is &#8216;AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE<\/li>\n<li>Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, call it version 1.0<\/li>\n<li>Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can&#8217;t be fixed&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Microwave: Signal from a friendly micro&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.<\/li>\n<li>AAAAAA &#8211; American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous<\/li>\n<li>CCITT &#8211; Can&#8217;t Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today<\/li>\n<li>This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.<\/li>\n<li>Today&#8217;s assembler command: EXOP Execute Operator<\/li>\n<li>Justify my text? I&#8217;m sorry but it has no excuse.<\/li>\n<li>Programming is an art form that fights back.<\/li>\n<li>Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER<\/li>\n<li>My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.<\/li>\n<li>Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.<\/li>\n<li>To define recursion, we must first define recursion.<\/li>\n<li>Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.<\/li>\n<li>If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. The secret of the universe is #@*%! NO CARRIER Did anyone see my lost carrier? Error, no keyboard &#8212; press F1 to continue. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Double your drive space &#8212; delete Windows! Oops. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[406,924,1099],"class_list":["post-770","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-computer","tag-lists","tag-one-liner"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/770","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=770"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/770\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=770"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=770"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=770"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}