{"id":752,"date":"2014-12-24T20:15:09","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:15:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=752"},"modified":"2014-12-24T20:15:09","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T18:15:09","slug":"i-am-in-desperate-need-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=752","title":{"rendered":"I Am In Desperate Need of&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Somebody who can invent a stove that connects to your computer. It must have flags that pop up and say things like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Add More Water To Your Pan &#8211; Your Pan Is Ready To Boil Over. Do you want this? Click on Yes or No<\/li>\n<li>Your Pork Chops Are Burning. Do you want this? Click on Yes or No<\/li>\n<li>Do You Intend To Turn The Burner On Or Just Let Water Sit On It? Click on Yes or No<\/li>\n<li>It Is Now Time To Add The (seasoning, mix, etc) To The (Whatever you&#8217;re cooking) &#8211; Do you want this? Click on Yes or No<\/li>\n<li>Please Stir The Pudding &#8211; Do you want this? Click on Yes or No<\/li>\n<li>Caution! Caution! Your Kitchen Curtains Are On Fire! Do You Want This? Please Click On Yes Or No, etc.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>My computer and my stove don&#8217;t seem to interact for some reason. I think to myself, &#8220;Surely the Rice-A-Roni won&#8217;t burn until I finish just this one email&#8221; and guess what. By the time I finish emailing and get out to the stove, it&#8217;s already turned brown and is sticking to the non-stick<br \/>\nskillet.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re an inventor, please help me!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Somebody who can invent a stove that connects to your computer. It must have flags that pop up and say things like: Add More Water To Your Pan &#8211; Your Pan Is Ready To Boil Over. Do you want this? Click on Yes or No Your Pork Chops Are Burning. Do you want this? Click [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[406,1372],"class_list":["post-752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","tag-computer","tag-stove"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/752","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=752"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/752\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=752"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=752"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=752"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}