{"id":610,"date":"2014-12-23T14:45:40","date_gmt":"2014-12-23T12:45:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=610"},"modified":"2014-12-23T14:45:40","modified_gmt":"2014-12-23T12:45:40","slug":"things-the-college-viewbooks-dont-tell-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=610","title":{"rendered":"Things the College Viewbooks Don&#8217;t Tell You"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Quarters are like gold.<\/li>\n<li>Be creative in the dining hall.<\/li>\n<li>Flip-flops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.<\/li>\n<li>You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.<\/li>\n<li>Getting to sleep by 2:30 am is an early night.<\/li>\n<li>New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben &#038; Jerry&#8217;s, Ho-Hos and Oreos.<\/li>\n<li>Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.<\/li>\n<li>Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)<\/li>\n<li>Showers become less important.<\/li>\n<li>Sleep becomes more important.<\/li>\n<li>Two meals a day are standard. One for some!<\/li>\n<li>Recycling becomes synonymous with laundry (&#8220;Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas&#8230;there&#8217;s only a *little* bit of mud on them&#8230;&#8221;).<\/li>\n<li>You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).<\/li>\n<li>10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).<\/li>\n<li>Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster\/breaker before.<\/li>\n<li>It takes more than one person to carry your laundry, books, trash, alcohol&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone else&#8217;s notes.<\/li>\n<li>You begin to nap again (also not new).<\/li>\n<li>Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.<\/li>\n<li>Isn&#8217;t it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?<\/li>\n<li>Labs used to be fun.<\/li>\n<li>T.A. used to stand for teaching assistant, now, for terribly articulated.<\/li>\n<li>Squirt guns = stress relief.<\/li>\n<li>E-mail becomes your second language.<\/li>\n<li>Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.<\/li>\n<li>Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they&#8217;re a Godsend.<\/li>\n<li>You never realized so many people are smarter than you.<\/li>\n<li>You never realized so many people are dumber than you.<\/li>\n<li>Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.<\/li>\n<li>Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you&#8217;d never know, but you could recite last week&#8217;s episode of &#8220;Friends&#8221; verbatim.<\/li>\n<li>See every movie under $3 that your campus provides; it&#8217;s actually proportional to the amount of money you have.<\/li>\n<li>Road trip whenever possible.<\/li>\n<li>Pick up all new lingo.<\/li>\n<li>Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t burn bridges, especially if he&#8217;s good in Biology.<\/li>\n<li>Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before.<\/li>\n<li>The health service attendants are there because they couldn&#8217;t make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that.<\/li>\n<li>Forget putting the toilet seat down, you just pray that they flush.<\/li>\n<li>Frisbee becomes a contact sport.<\/li>\n<li>Care packages rank up there with birthdays.<\/li>\n<li>College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom&#8230;and no curfew.<\/li>\n<li>It never sucked so much to get sick.<\/li>\n<li>Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered.<\/li>\n<li>Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room.<\/li>\n<li>You always thought that worshiping the porcelain god was just an expression&#8230;it&#8217;s not.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ll learn more about male genitalia than you ever thought necessary, guys talk more about that than women and sex put together.<\/li>\n<li>Beware the freshman 15, or in some cases, the freshman cup size.<\/li>\n<li>Even though the beds are long, they are also extra narrow.<\/li>\n<li>Things that were a huge deal in high school are now commonplace.<\/li>\n<li>You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.<\/li>\n<li>Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.<\/li>\n<li>Any game can be made into a drinking game.<\/li>\n<li>Disney movies are more than just classics.<\/li>\n<li>Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.<\/li>\n<li>You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.<\/li>\n<li>Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don&#8217;t get the messages.<\/li>\n<li>Cereal makes a meal any time of day.<\/li>\n<li>Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.<\/li>\n<li>ATMs are the devil&#8217;s advocate. <\/li>\n<li>Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.<\/li>\n<li>You almost forget how to drive.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ll drink anything if it&#8217;s free..<\/li>\n<li>People still cheat, it&#8217;s just more technologically advanced.<\/li>\n<li>You get really good with excuses for skipping class.<\/li>\n<li>The girl you&#8217;re going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.<\/li>\n<li>Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurrence.<\/li>\n<li>You never realized how cool you can be.<\/li>\n<li>TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.<\/li>\n<li>You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.<\/li>\n<li>Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.<\/li>\n<li>You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.<\/li>\n<li>You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temps, and roommates snoring.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have to cover your textbooks anymore.<\/li>\n<li>You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, girls, activities, parties&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria.<\/li>\n<li>People that were geeks in high school seem okay now.<\/li>\n<li>You begin to realize that college is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.<\/li>\n<li>You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not (usually not).<\/li>\n<li>Procrastination becomes an art.<\/li>\n<li>Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires (for example, see # 12).<\/li>\n<li>The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.<\/li>\n<li>Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.<\/li>\n<li>With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like you&#8217;re on intellectual welfare.<\/li>\n<li>Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.<\/li>\n<li>Amount of alcohol consumed is directly proportional to grade point average.<\/li>\n<li>You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.<\/li>\n<li>Classes: the later the better.<\/li>\n<li>The cute girls actually talk to you now.<\/li>\n<li>Care packages make it all worthwhile.<\/li>\n<li>The longer you&#8217;re there, the less you talk about home.<\/li>\n<li>Always wear your safety goggles, they&#8217;re not kidding.<\/li>\n<li>You just don&#8217;t learn last names.<\/li>\n<li>Your teachers just went from Mr. and Mrs. to Prof.<\/li>\n<li>That calculator Tetris and Duck Hunt come into play even more than in high school Physics class.<\/li>\n<li>Card games never lasted for hours before.<\/li>\n<li>Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it.<\/li>\n<li>Boys will dance in college.<\/li>\n<li>People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home.<\/li>\n<li>You are NEVER alone.<\/li>\n<li>You find out what beer sludge is.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.<\/li>\n<li>You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the cafeteria Lucky Charms are the real thing.<\/li>\n<li>People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.<\/li>\n<li>You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house.<\/li>\n<li>All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send up some cookies.<\/li>\n<li>You never realized how quiet your house was.<\/li>\n<li>Dishes aren&#8217;t dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and\/or mold in them.<\/li>\n<li>Printers only break down when you desperately need them.<\/li>\n<li>You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them.<\/li>\n<li>Your life will never be the same again.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Quarters are like gold. Be creative in the dining hall. Flip-flops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket. Getting to sleep by 2:30 am is an early night. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben &#038; Jerry&#8217;s, Ho-Hos and Oreos. Make sure [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[393,1492],"class_list":["post-610","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-collegeschool","tag-college","tag-viewbooks"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/610","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=610"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/610\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=610"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=610"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=610"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}