{"id":539,"date":"2014-12-22T23:10:25","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T21:10:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=539"},"modified":"2014-12-22T23:10:25","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T21:10:25","slug":"warning-signs-your-cat-is-too-fat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=539","title":{"rendered":"Warning Signs Your Cat is Too Fat"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.<\/li>\n<li>Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.<\/li>\n<li>Always lands on her spleen.<\/li>\n<li>Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.<\/li>\n<li>Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.<\/li>\n<li>No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.<\/li>\n<li>Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.<\/li>\n<li>Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Steals breath&#8221; from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.<\/li>\n<li>Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.<\/li>\n<li>He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.<\/li>\n<li>Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.<\/li>\n<li>Has more chins than lives.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair. Always lands on her spleen. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz. Catfood dish replaced with Rush [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,924,1117],"class_list":["post-539","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-lists","tag-overweight"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=539"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=539"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=539"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=539"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}