{"id":525,"date":"2014-12-22T22:56:29","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T20:56:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=525"},"modified":"2014-12-22T22:56:29","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T20:56:29","slug":"the-truth-about-cats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=525","title":{"rendered":"The Truth About Cats"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Dogs come when they&#8217;re called; Cats take a message and get back to you later.<\/li>\n<li>Cats don&#8217;t like being baptized.<\/li>\n<li>Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.<\/li>\n<li>A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.<\/li>\n<li>A cat will always sit on whatever you&#8217;re trying to read.<\/li>\n<li>A cat&#8217;s purr: The most effective stress medicine known.<\/li>\n<li>Cats are quite good at domesticating humans.<\/li>\n<li>Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.<\/li>\n<li>Cats know Mom&#8217;s black suede gloves are giant tarantulas that need to be killed.<\/li>\n<li>Cats must attack their human&#8217;s shoelaces when they are tying them.<\/li>\n<li>Cats must crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s always darkest before you step on the cat.<\/li>\n<li>Cats must rub against your legs while you&#8217;re carrying two bags of groceries.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re not a real person until you&#8217;re ignored by a cat.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dogs come when they&#8217;re called; Cats take a message and get back to you later. Cats don&#8217;t like being baptized. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. A cat is always on the wrong side of the door. A cat will always sit on whatever you&#8217;re trying to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,924],"class_list":["post-525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=525"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/525\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}