{"id":503,"date":"2014-12-22T22:31:05","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T20:31:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=503"},"modified":"2014-12-22T22:31:05","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T20:31:05","slug":"cats-the-musical","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=503","title":{"rendered":"Cats, The Musical"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Cats&#8221; is the longest-running show on Broadway to date.  The show romanticizes and shrouds in mystery the lives and habits of America&#8217;s most popular pet.  Yet, even with the lively dancing and popular songs, &#8220;Cats&#8221; doesn&#8217;t seem to capture the true-to-life behavior of our feline companions. Below is a list of what &#8220;Cats&#8221; would have to do to more accurately portray the true essence of cats.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Audience members would enter the auditorium only to find their seats had been clawed and covered with fur.<\/li>\n<li>The antagonist in the show would be a giant vacuum cleaner.<\/li>\n<li>Sometimes the cast would perform, but sometimes not &#8212; depending on their mood.<\/li>\n<li>Performers would leap off the stage and run up the aisles at the recorded sound of a can opener in the lobby.<\/li>\n<li>When certain audience members opened their playbills, a cast member would attempt to lay down on it.<\/li>\n<li>In the middle of a performance various cast members would curl up and go to sleep, even in the middle of a song.<\/li>\n<li>For no apparent reason, cast members would randomly run to the lobby, and then back to the stage at top speed.  They would then continue as if nothing had happened.<\/li>\n<li>A special audience member would find a headless bird in his\/her seat after the intermission.<\/li>\n<li>Snack bar employees would constantly be reprimanding cast members for walking on the counter.<\/li>\n<li>Open the stall door and guess who is drinking from the toilet.<\/li>\n<li>Part of the performance would include the cast climbing and shredding the theater curtains.<\/li>\n<li>The stage would be stained from someone coughing up a hairball and then eating it.<\/li>\n<li>Performers would find sand in the lobby ashtrays and &#8212; well, we don&#8217;t have to draw a picture here, do we?<\/li>\n<li>The show would need to be stopped several times to allow cast members to &#8220;bathe&#8221; themselves.<\/li>\n<li>Most of the final act would consist of the cast just staring at the audience.<\/li>\n<li>The big finale would feature a giant ball of yarn, feathers on a pole, and stray strands of dental floss.<\/li>\n<li>Theater patrons waiting outside the stage door after performances would get their legs rubbed, if they were lucky.<\/li>\n<li>Cast members would never cash their paychecks, just play with them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Cats&#8221; is the longest-running show on Broadway to date. The show romanticizes and shrouds in mystery the lives and habits of America&#8217;s most popular pet. Yet, even with the lively dancing and popular songs, &#8220;Cats&#8221; doesn&#8217;t seem to capture the true-to-life behavior of our feline companions. Below is a list of what &#8220;Cats&#8221; would have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,924],"class_list":["post-503","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=503"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=503"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=503"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=503"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}