{"id":479,"date":"2014-12-22T21:36:29","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T19:36:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=479"},"modified":"2014-12-22T21:36:29","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T19:36:29","slug":"cats-in-physics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=479","title":{"rendered":"Cats in Physics"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Inertia:<br \/>\nA cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Motion:<br \/>\nA cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Magnetism:<br \/>\nAll blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Thermodynamics:<br \/>\nHeat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Stretching:<br \/>\nA cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Sleeping:<br \/>\nAll cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. <\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Elongation:<br \/>\nA cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Acceleration:<br \/>\nA cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Dinner Table Attendance:<br \/>\nCats must attend all meals when anything good is served.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Rug Configuration:<br \/>\nNo rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Obedience Resistance:<br \/>\nA cat&#8217;s resistance varies in proportion to a human&#8217;s desire for him to do something.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>First Law of Energy Conservation:<br \/>\nCats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Second Law of Energy Conservation:<br \/>\nCats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Refrigerator Observation:<br \/>\nIf a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:<br \/>\nTurn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Random Comfort Seeking:<br \/>\nA cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Bag \/ Box Occupancy:<br \/>\nAll bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Embarrassment:<br \/>\nA cat&#8217;s irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Milk Consumption:<br \/>\nA cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Furniture Replacement:<br \/>\nA cat&#8217;s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Landing:<br \/>\nA cat will always land in the softest place possible.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Fluid Displacement:<br \/>\nA cat immersed in milk will displace his own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Disinterest:<br \/>\nA cat&#8217;s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Pill Rejection:<br \/>\nAny pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Law of Cat Composition:<br \/>\nA cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn&#8217;t Matter.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,901,924],"class_list":["post-479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-laws","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=479"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=479"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=479"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=479"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}