{"id":47,"date":"2014-12-21T10:44:32","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T10:44:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=11"},"modified":"2014-12-21T10:44:32","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T10:44:32","slug":"benefits-of-growing-older","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=47","title":{"rendered":"Benefits of Growing Older"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You can eat dinner at 4:00<\/li>\n<li>Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.<\/li>\n<li>Kidnappers are not very interested in you.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.<\/li>\n<li>People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.<\/li>\n<p><li>Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can&#8217;t remember<br \/>\nthem either.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.<\/li>\n<li>Your eyes won&#8217;t get much worse.<\/li>\n<li>Things you buy now won&#8217;t wear out.<\/li>\n<li>No one expects you to run into a burning building.<\/li>\n<li>There&#8217;s nothing left to learn the hard way.<\/li>\n<li>Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.<\/li>\n<li>In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.<\/li>\n<li>You can live without sex but not without glasses.<\/li>\n<li>Your back goes out more than you do.<\/li>\n<p><li>You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into<br \/>\nthe room.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>You buy a compass for the dash of your car.<\/li>\n<li>Your arms are too short to read the newspaper.<\/li>\n<li>You sing along with the elevator music.<\/li>\n<li>You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.<\/li>\n<li>You enjoy hearing about other people&#8217;s operations.<\/li>\n<li>You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.<\/li>\n<li>You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.<\/li>\n<li>People who call at 9 p.m. ask, &#8220;Did I wake you?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You send money to PBS.<\/li>\n<p><li>You can&#8217;t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch<br \/>\ntelevision.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Your ears are more hairy than your head.<\/li>\n<li>You talk about &#8220;good grass&#8221; and you&#8217;re referring to someone&#8217;s lawn.<\/li>\n<li>You get into a heated argument about pension plans.<\/li>\n<li>You bought cable for the weather channel.<\/li>\n<li>You have a party and the neighbors don&#8217;t even realize it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You can eat dinner at 4:00 Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. It&#8217;s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can&#8217;t remember them either. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[115,924,1094],"class_list":["post-47","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","tag-aging","tag-lists","tag-old"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}