{"id":457,"date":"2014-12-22T21:08:01","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T19:08:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=457"},"modified":"2014-12-22T21:08:01","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T19:08:01","slug":"cat-myths","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=457","title":{"rendered":"Cat Myths"},"content":{"rendered":"
From The Cat Diary
Excerpts from my cat’s diary.
Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved<\/i><\/font><\/div>\n

It’s Halloween. Every year people start resurrecting cat myths to put the scare into little kids and older adults alike. We cats have tolerated this proliferation of ‘myth-information’ for many years and we do not like it. I risk ‘letting the cat out of the bag,’ but I must dispel some illusions.<\/p>\n

MYTH: Cats eyes shine at night because they are casting out the light they gather during the day.
\nFACT: Baloney. How can we gather daylight when our eyes are closed sleeping all day?<\/p>\n

MYTH: When a cat’s whiskers droop, rain is coming.
\nFACT: When a cat’s whiskers droop, rain is here. The whiskers are wet.<\/p>\n

MYTH: If you want to keep a cat from straying, put butter on its paws.
\nFACT: I won’t stray because you won’t be here to open the door. You will be in the hospital as a result of your attempt to butter my paws.<\/p>\n

MYTH: If a cat sneezes near a bride on her wedding day she will have a happy marriage.
\nFACT: 4-in-5 marriages end in divorce. Not a lot of sneezing going on, huh? Maybe they ought to rewrite that one and make it ‘coughs hairballs.’<\/p>\n

MYTH: Stepping over a cat brings bad luck.
\nFACT: Actually, worse luck. It exposes your most vulnerable areas just in case you miss and step on us.<\/p>\n

MYTH: Cats suck the breath from babies.
\nFACT: We don’t ‘suck the breath.’ Cats enjoy baby breath as much as humans. If you had a choice between a baby’s breath and the Big Owner’s breath, which would you choose?<\/p>\n

MYTH: Cats always land on their feet.
\nFACT: So explain the bumps on my head. <\/p>\n

MYTH: A cat has nine lives.
\nFACT: Well, okay, that one is true. I happen to have a can of it sitting right in front of me. Now, if I could only get someone to open it for me.<\/p>\n

It was a good day.<\/p>\n

\n

This is part of a great collection of great cat stories, told from the cat’s perspective. For more information please visit the website<\/a>!<\/P><\/font><\/p>\n

Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved<\/i><\/font><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From The Cat DiaryExcerpts from my cat’s diary.Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved It’s Halloween. Every year people start resurrecting cat myths to put the scare into little kids and older adults alike. We cats have tolerated this proliferation of ‘myth-information’ for many years and we do not like it. I risk ‘letting the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,325,961,1051],"class_list":["post-457","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-cat-diary","tag-mark-mason","tag-myths"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/457","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=457"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/457\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=457"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=457"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=457"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}