{"id":452,"date":"2014-12-22T21:02:22","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T19:02:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=452"},"modified":"2014-12-22T21:02:22","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T19:02:22","slug":"cat-medical-dictionary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=452","title":{"rendered":"Cat Medical Dictionary"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\"><font face=\"Arial\" size=\"3\"><i>From The Cat Diary<br \/>Excerpts from my cat&#8217;s diary.<br \/>Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved<\/i><\/font><\/div>\n<p>I think I have a medical career ahead of me.  Lately I have been dissecting rodents on my late night cat patrols. Up until now the Big Owner was never impressed with my simply leaving said rodents at his doorstep. Now I fillet the creatures for his convenience hoping he will throw one on the barbeque for the family to enjoy.  So far there\u2019s been no luck.  Still, I am honing my scalpel skills. Don\u2019t laugh!  Cats have practiced medicine long before humans.  Many of today&#8217;s modern medical terms were based on original terminology from the very first Cat Medical Dictionary.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Enema:  The black cat next door &#8230; He&#8217;s not my friend, he&#8217;s my enema.<\/li>\n<li>Biofeedback:  Coughing up two hairballs in one night.<\/li>\n<li>Biohazard:  Stepping in both aforementioned hairballs.<\/li>\n<li>Cat Scan:  Do I *really* have to explain that one?<\/li>\n<li>Electroshock Therapy: Accidentally walking on the electric stove while it is on.<\/li>\n<li>Hemad:  Mood of the Big Owner when I drop a hairball on the carpet. In fact, he&#8217;s always mad.<\/li>\n<li>Histamine:  A mean hiss.<\/li>\n<li>Mucus: A feline swear word.<\/li>\n<li>Perspire: Purring so hard you drool from the mouth.<\/li>\n<li>False Positive: Pouring fresh litter over the old to make it appear new.<\/li>\n<li>White Cell:  The bathroom \u2013 Where humans sometimes lock you up.<\/li>\n<li>Work-Up:  The long minutes preparing to free a hairball.<\/li>\n<li>Acute:  What I am&#8230;Acute Cat.<\/li>\n<li>Fuzzy logic:  Trying to figure out cat medical terms.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<p><font size=\"3\"><P>From Cat Diary #3 by Mark Mason. This is part of a great collection of great cat stories, told from the cat&#8217;s perspective. For more information <a href=\"http:\/\/www.catdiary.com\/\">please visit the website<\/a>!<\/P><\/font><\/p>\n<div align=\"center\"><font face=\"Arial\" size=\"3\"><i>Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved<\/i><\/font><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From The Cat DiaryExcerpts from my cat&#8217;s diary.Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved I think I have a medical career ahead of me. Lately I have been dissecting rodents on my late night cat patrols. Up until now the Big Owner was never impressed with my simply leaving said rodents at his doorstep. Now [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,325,508,961],"class_list":["post-452","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-cat-diary","tag-dictionary","tag-mark-mason"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/452","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=452"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/452\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=452"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=452"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=452"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}