{"id":436,"date":"2014-12-22T18:54:41","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T16:54:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=436"},"modified":"2014-12-22T18:54:41","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T16:54:41","slug":"cat-definitions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=436","title":{"rendered":"Cat Definitions"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><UL><\/p>\n<li>Aquarium: interactive television for cats.<\/li>\n<li>Cat:\n<ol>\n<li>a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.<\/li>\n<li>a four footed allergen.<\/li>\n<li>a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.<\/li>\n<li>a small, furry lap fungus.<\/li>\n<li>a treat-seeking missile.<\/li>\n<li>a wildlife control expert.<\/li>\n<li>one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.<\/li>\n<li>a hair relocation expert.<\/li>\n<li>an unprogrammable animal.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<li>Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat&#8217;s life.<\/li>\n<li>Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.<\/li>\n<li>Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.<\/li>\n<li>Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.<\/li>\n<li>Dog: a cat&#8217;s device for running practice.<\/li>\n<li>Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.<\/li>\n<li>Energy: the element of vitality cats always have an oversupply of until you try to play with them.<\/li>\n<li>Human: an automatic door opener for cats.<\/li>\n<li>Impurrsonate: to act like the cat.<\/li>\n<p><li>Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the<br \/>\npoint of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Purrade: an organized march of cats.<\/li>\n<li>Purradise: the garden of Cats.<\/li>\n<li>Purramour: a cat lover.<\/li>\n<li>Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something.<\/li>\n<li>Purraphernalia: a cat&#8217;s personal belongings.<\/li>\n<li>Purrch: any favored feline napping spot.<\/li>\n<li>Purrchase: anything bought for a cat.<\/li>\n<li>Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna.<\/li>\n<li>Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens.<\/li>\n<li>Purrmission: a feline hunting expedition.<\/li>\n<li>Purrpetual: everlasting feline love.<\/li>\n<li>Purrplex: a house with two or more cats.<\/li>\n<li>Purrson: a male kitten.<\/li>\n<li>Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.<\/li>\n<li>Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty.<\/li>\n<li>Tooraloorailurophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats.<\/li>\n<li>Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear.<\/li>\n<li>Yawn: a cat&#8217;s honest opinion openly expressed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Aquarium: interactive television for cats. Cat: a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer. a four footed allergen. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist. a small, furry lap fungus. a treat-seeking missile. a wildlife control expert. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes. a hair relocation expert. an unprogrammable animal. Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat&#8217;s [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[322,492,924],"class_list":["post-436","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cats","tag-cat","tag-definitions","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/436","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=436"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/436\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=436"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=436"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=436"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}