{"id":4294,"date":"2015-08-23T15:32:32","date_gmt":"2015-08-23T13:32:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4294"},"modified":"2015-08-23T15:32:32","modified_gmt":"2015-08-23T13:32:32","slug":"customer-service-with-a-smile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4294","title":{"rendered":"Customer Service with a Smile"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Excuse me, do you know where the thingamabobers are?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Do you carry Ink Eradicators? All of the other places do.&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;I think so. I saw &#8217;em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle 4.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the back that you stick things to other things with?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Hmm&#8230; that&#8217;s a tough one&#8230; The closest we have is tape.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Can you help me find something?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Nope! I&#8217;m going to stand here and laugh at you a bit more&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Excuse me. Do you work here?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Oh&#8230; Sorry. I just dress up like this five days a week because I like messing with people&#8217;s minds&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Excuse me. Do you look like you work here?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;(no comment)&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Do you work here?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Only when the boss is around.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Where are the little flat black things you put in computers?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Hmm. I think they are in the computer section next to the disks.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;I&#8217;m having trouble with my computers coffee holder. Do you carry replacements?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: (commits hari-kari on the spot)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;This item doesn&#8217;t have a price on it. Does that mean it&#8217;s free?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Yes. That&#8217;s one of the items we paid with &#8220;free money&#8221; with.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;This doesn&#8217;t have a price on it. Does that mean it&#8217;s free?<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;No, that means I get to make up a price. It&#8217;s $150.00&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Excuse me. Is there a manager in this store?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Nope. Sorry, we only have someone with a &#8220;Manager&#8221; name tag on to throw people off.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Can I open this?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Sure. I&#8217;m sure it&#8217;s different on the inside of the clear wrapping.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Do you have a shopping cart?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;I think so. Let me look in my  pocket. Oh! We moved em out to the parking lot!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: (referring to a cashier): &#8220;Are you  open?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;No, sorry. I&#8217;m just standing here  because people are giving me money. Why stop a bad thing. OH! maybe I will turn this light off with the big number on it next to this cash register&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Does this printer print in black?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Yea, but you have to buy the white extra.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;I am looking for something to plug into the back of my computer that lets me use my fax, scanner, printer, copier, and 4-in-1 multi-function machine at the same time.&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Yea! We have lots of those! Right through that big glass door by the entrance. Don&#8217;t be confused by that &#8216;Exit&#8217; sign.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Excuse me. Do you sell these shelves?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Only with all the items on it. Do you want these price tags too? They&#8217;re extra, though.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Is this new computer Y2K compliant?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;No, sorry. We just received our new 1900 models. We can put your name  on the list so we can sell you the new 2K models 100 years from now&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Can you give me a discount on this?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Yea, that&#8217;s why we have those little stickers with prices on em on everything.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;My computer isn&#8217;t working. Do you know why?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;Oh, sorry. I don&#8217;t have ESP. Let me transfer you to our ESP Technician department.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: &#8220;Do you carry pencils?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee: &#8220;No, I&#8217;m sorry. This is an office supply store only. We don&#8217;t carry pencils; or pens for that matter.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer:  &#8220;Do you have a bathroom here?&#8221;<br \/>\nEmployee:  &#8220;No, sorry. We all piss in our pants when we need to go.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Customer: Do you know where the hardware department is?<br \/>\nEmployee:  Yes I do.<br \/>\nCustomer:  Well, could you tell me where it is?<br \/>\nEmployee:  I sure could. Would you like me to?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Customer: &#8220;Excuse me, do you know where the thingamabobers are?&#8221; Employee: &#8220;Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6.&#8221; Customer: &#8220;Do you carry Ink Eradicators? All of the other places do.&#8221; Employee: &#8220;I think so. I saw &#8217;em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle 4.&#8221; Customer: &#8220;Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[70],"tags":[469],"class_list":["post-4294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-work","tag-customer-service"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4294"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4294\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}