{"id":4288,"date":"2015-08-23T15:16:10","date_gmt":"2015-08-23T13:16:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4288"},"modified":"2015-08-23T15:16:10","modified_gmt":"2015-08-23T13:16:10","slug":"youve-been-in-corporate-america-too-long-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4288","title":{"rendered":"You&#8217;ve Been in Corporate America Too Long When&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You ask the waiter what the restaurant&#8217;s core competencies are.<\/li>\n<li>You decide to re-org your family into a &#8220;team-based organization.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You refer to dating as &#8220;test marketing.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You can spell &#8220;paradigm.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You actually know what a paradigm is.<\/li>\n<li>You understand your airline&#8217;s fare structure.<\/li>\n<li>You write executive summaries on your love letters.<\/li>\n<li>Your Valentine&#8217;s Day cards have bullet points.<\/li>\n<li>You think that it&#8217;s actually efficient to write a 10 page presentation with 6 other people you don&#8217;t know.<\/li>\n<li>You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.<\/li>\n<li>You believe you never have any problems in your life, just &#8220;issues&#8221; and &#8220;improvement  opportunities.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You calculate your own personal cost of capital.<\/li>\n<li>You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as &#8220;highly leveraged&#8221; as opposed to &#8220;in debt.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You end every argument by saying &#8220;let&#8217;s talk about this off-line&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You can explain to somebody the difference between &#8220;re-engineering&#8221;, &#8220;down-sizing&#8221;,  &#8220;right-sizing&#8221;, and &#8220;firing people&#8217;s asses.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You actually believe your explanation in number 15.<\/li>\n<li>You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.<\/li>\n<li>You refer to your previous life as &#8220;my sunk cost.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You refer to your significant other as &#8220;my co-CEO.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.<\/li>\n<li>You start to feel sorry for Dilbert&#8217;s boss.<\/li>\n<li>You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.<\/li>\n<li>You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.<\/li>\n<li>You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.<\/li>\n<li>At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.<\/li>\n<li>Your &#8220;deliverable&#8221; for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.<\/li>\n<li>You use the term &#8220;value-added&#8221; without falling down laughing.<\/li>\n<li>You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.<\/li>\n<li>You give constructive feedback to your dog<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You ask the waiter what the restaurant&#8217;s core competencies are. You decide to re-org your family into a &#8220;team-based organization.&#8221; You refer to dating as &#8220;test marketing.&#8221; You can spell &#8220;paradigm.&#8221; You actually know what a paradigm is. You understand your airline&#8217;s fare structure. You write executive summaries on your love letters. Your Valentine&#8217;s Day [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,70],"tags":[443],"class_list":["post-4288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-business-world","category-work","tag-corporation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4288","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4288"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4288\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}