{"id":4286,"date":"2015-08-23T15:10:38","date_gmt":"2015-08-23T13:10:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4286"},"modified":"2015-08-23T15:10:38","modified_gmt":"2015-08-23T13:10:38","slug":"corporate-buzzwords","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4286","title":{"rendered":"Corporate Buzzwords"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Blamestorming<br \/>\nSitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Body Nazis<br \/>\nHard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn&#8217;t work out obsessively.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Seagull Manager<br \/>\nA manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes on everything and then leaves.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Chainsaw Consultant<br \/>\nAn outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Cube Farm<br \/>\nAn office filled with cubicles. <\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Idea Hamsters<br \/>\nPeople who always seem to have their idea generators running.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Mouse Potato<br \/>\nThe online, wired generation&#8217;s answer to the couch potato.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Prairie Dogging<br \/>\nWhen someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people&#8217;s heads pop up over the walls to see what&#8217;s going on.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>SITCOMs<br \/>\nWhat yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.  Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Squirt the Bird<br \/>\nTo transmit a signal to a satellite.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Starter Marriage<br \/>\nA short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Stress Puppy<br \/>\nA person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Swiped Out<br \/>\nAn ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Tourists<br \/>\nPeople who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. &#8220;We had three serious students in class; the rest were just tourists.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Treeware<br \/>\nHacker slang for documentation or other printed material.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Xerox Subsidy<br \/>\nEuphemism for swiping free photocopies from one&#8217;s workplace.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Going Postal<br \/>\nEuphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Alpha Geek<br \/>\nThe most knowledgeable, technically proficient person<br \/>\nin an office or work group.  &#8220;Ask Larry, he&#8217;s the Alpha Geek around here.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Assmosis<br \/>\nThe process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Chips and Salsa<br \/>\nChips = hardware, Salsa = software. &#8220;Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Flight Risk<br \/>\nUsed to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>GOOD job<br \/>\nA &#8220;Get-Out-Of-Debt&#8221; job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Irritainment<br \/>\nEntertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Percussive Maintenance<br \/>\nThe fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Uninstalled<br \/>\nEuphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a Vice President at a downsizing computer firm: &#8220;You have reached the number of an uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance.&#8221; See also Decruitment.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Vulcan Nerve Pinch<br \/>\nThe taxing hand positions required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Blamestorming Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn&#8217;t work out obsessively. Seagull Manager A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes on everything and then leaves. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,70],"tags":[295,443],"class_list":["post-4286","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-business-world","category-work","tag-buzz-word","tag-corporation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4286","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4286"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4286\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4286"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4286"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4286"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}