{"id":4253,"date":"2015-03-08T15:37:39","date_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:37:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4253"},"modified":"2015-03-08T15:37:39","modified_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:37:39","slug":"you-just-might-be-a-scrooge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4253","title":{"rendered":"You Just Might Be A Scrooge"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite version of &#8220;A Christmas Carol&#8221; stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite version of &#8220;Babes in Toyland&#8221; stars Michael Jackson &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite version of &#8220;The Nutcracker&#8221; stars Andrew Golata &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon &#8211; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park &#8211; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log &#8211; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If you think &#8220;Ho, Ho, Ho&#8221; is a line from a Rocky movie &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat &#8211; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If you use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite version of &#8220;Silent Night&#8221; is sung by OJ Simpson &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite version of &#8220;I&#8217;m Dreaming of a White Christmas&#8221; is sung by the KKK choir &#8211; you just might be a BIGOT Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>If your favorite past time is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors&#8217; string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn caricatures with egg nog &#8211; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<li>And, finally &#8211; if your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin &#8211; you just might be a Scrooge.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge. If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away &#8212; you just might be a Scrooge. If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[370,1298],"class_list":["post-4253","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","tag-christmas","tag-scrooge"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4253","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4253"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4253\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4253"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4253"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4253"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}