{"id":4245,"date":"2015-03-08T15:33:44","date_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:33:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4245"},"modified":"2015-03-08T15:33:44","modified_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:33:44","slug":"ways-to-annoy-a-roommate-at-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4245","title":{"rendered":"Ways To Annoy A Roommate At Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s\/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor.<\/li>\n<li>Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa&#8217;s lap. Refuse to get off.<\/li>\n<li>Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you&#8217;re wearing it.<\/li>\n<li>Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, &#8220;Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his\/her lips.<\/li>\n<li>Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s\/he asks, say, &#8220;You&#8217;ve been very naughty this year.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.<\/li>\n<li>Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (ie, &#8220;You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.&#8221;)<\/li>\n<li>Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.<\/li>\n<li>Sing: &#8220;All I want for Christmas is my roommate&#8217;s two front teeth&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.<\/li>\n<li>Build a snow person with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn&#8217;t come to life, cry hysterically: &#8220;It didn&#8217;t work!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Whip your roommate screaming: &#8220;Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Tear down all your roommate&#8217;s Christmas decorations yelling, &#8220;Bah Humbug!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Wake up every morning screaming, &#8220;Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Tell your roommate you&#8217;re moving out. Santa&#8217;s buying you a house on 34th Street.<\/li>\n<li>Pin a poinsettia to your lapel. <\/li>\n<li>Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.<\/li>\n<li>Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate&#8217;s friends, &#8220;Give it a yank.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Ring jingle bells maniacally saying &#8220;every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Stand in front of the mirror in your underwear reciting, &#8220;How the Grinch Stole Christmas&#8221; over and over.<\/li>\n<li>Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.<\/li>\n<li>Watch your roommate when s\/he is sleeping. When s\/he wakes up, sing, &#8220;He sees you when you&#8217;re sleeping&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roommate asks, tell him\/her, &#8220;I had to let them stay here, there&#8217;s no room at the inn.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his\/her possessions. Tell him\/her that Santa&#8217;s elves must have done it.<\/li>\n<p><li>Take some miniature marshmallows and put them in a little baggie. Attach a note to the bag that has a picture of a snow man and this poem:<br \/>\n&#8216;You have been naughty, and here&#8217;s the scoop:<br \/>\nAll you get is the snowman&#8217;s poop!&#8217;<br \/>\nOr you could have a picture of a reindeer with cocoa puffs for reindeer poop for your roommate.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s\/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa&#8217;s lap. Refuse to get off. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you&#8217;re wearing it. Sit [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[370,1274],"class_list":["post-4245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","tag-christmas","tag-roommate"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4245"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4245\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}