{"id":4241,"date":"2015-03-08T15:31:54","date_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:31:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4241"},"modified":"2015-03-08T15:31:54","modified_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:31:54","slug":"a-rednecks-ode-to-his-valentine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4241","title":{"rendered":"A Redneck’s Ode to His Valentine"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Kudzu is green,
\nmy dog’s name is Blue
\nAnd I’m so lucky
\nto have a sweet thang like you.<\/p>\n

Yore hair is like cornsilk
\nA-flapping in the breeze.
\nSofter than Blue’s
\nAnd without all them fleas.<\/p>\n

You move like the bass,
\nWhich excite me in May.
\nYou ain’t got no scales
\nBut I luv you anyway.<\/p>\n

You’re as graceful as okry
\nJist a-dancin’ in the pan.
\nYo’re as fragrant as SunDrop
\nRight out of the can.<\/p>\n

You have all yore teeth,
\nFor which I am proud;
\nI hold my head high
\nWhen we’re in a crowd.<\/p>\n

On special occasions,
\nWhen you shave yore armpits,
\nWell, I’m in hawg heaven,
\nI’m plumb outta my wits.<\/p>\n

And speakin’ of wits,
\nYou’ve got plenty fer shore.
\n‘Cuz you married me
\nBack in ’74.<\/p>\n

Still them fellers at work
\nThey all want to know,
\nWhat I did to deserve
\nSuch a purty, young doe.<\/p>\n

Like a good roll of duct tape
\nYo’re there fer yore man,
\nTo patch up life’s troubles
\nAnd stick ’em in the can.<\/p>\n

Yo’re as strong as a four-wheeler
\nRacin’ through the mud,
\nYet fragile as that sanger
\nNamed Naomi Judd.<\/p>\n

Yo’re as cute as a junebug
\nA-buzzin’ overhead.
\nYou ain’t mean like no far ant
\nUpon which I oft’ tread.<\/p>\n

Cut from the best pattern
\nLike a flannel shirt of plaid,
\nYou sparked up my life
\nLike a Rattletrap shad.<\/p>\n

When you hold me real tight
\nLike a padded gunrack,
\nMy life is complete;
\nAin’t nuttin’ I lack.<\/p>\n

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
\nLike the best vinyl sidin’.
\nDespite all the years,
\nYore age, it keeps hidin’.<\/p>\n

And when you get old
\nLike a ’57 Chevy,
\nWon’t put you on blocks
\nAnd let grass grow up heavy.<\/p>\n

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
\nWith a RC cold drank,
\nWe go together
\nLike a skunk goes with stank.<\/p>\n

Some men, they buy chocolate
\nFor Valentine’s Day;
\nThey git it at Wal-Mart,
\nIt’s romantic that way.<\/p>\n

Some men git roses
\nOn that special day
\nFrom the cooler at Kroger.
\n“That’s impressive,” I say.<\/p>\n

Some men buy fine diamonds
\nFrom a flea market booth.
\n“Diamonds are forever,”
\nThey explain, suave and couth.<\/p>\n

But for this man, honey,
\nThese will not do.
\nFor you are too special,
\nYou sweet thang you.<\/p>\n

I got you a gift,
\nWithout taste nor odor,
\nBetter than diamonds
\nit’s a new ridin’ mower.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk A-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue’s And without all them fleas. You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain’t got no scales But I luv you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50,54],"tags":[1488],"class_list":["post-4241","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-redneck","category-season","tag-valentines-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4241","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4241"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4241\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}