{"id":4210,"date":"2015-03-08T15:18:47","date_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:18:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4210"},"modified":"2015-03-08T15:18:47","modified_gmt":"2015-03-08T13:18:47","slug":"valentines-day-greetings-from-the-mafia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4210","title":{"rendered":"Valentine&#8217;s Day Greetings from the Mafia"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>My love for you&#8230; it came and went.<br \/>\nSo your feet are now in wet cement.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>I&#8217;m here To fulfill your fondest wishes<br \/>\nNow that your husband sleeps with the fishes.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Lie down with me &#8212; it&#8217;s my final offa,<br \/>\nOr you&#8217;ll be lying wit&#8217; Jimmy Hoffa.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>I picked up this card from a slim selection<br \/>\nBut that&#8217;s all they offer here in witness protection.<br \/>\nLove, J. Doe<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>I&#8217;ve waited so long for you to be mine.<br \/>\nNow that Sinatra&#8217;s dead, be *my* Valentine.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Be my Valentine,<br \/>\nand we can do it execution-style.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Cinderella got her fella,<br \/>\nwith a slipper made of glass;<br \/>\nSo please be mine, Valentine,<br \/>\nor I&#8217;ll have to whack your ass.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Violets are blue,<br \/>\nroses are red,<br \/>\nI blew up your car<br \/>\nSo why ain&#8217;t you dead?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The day we met, my little pet,<br \/>\nI knew with just one look<br \/>\nYou&#8217;d bear a son, and now that&#8217;s done,<br \/>\nSo shut your mouth and cook!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Hey.<\/li>\n<p><li>Youse da greatest.<br \/>\nYouse da best.<br \/>\nBut you&#8217;re as untouchable<br \/>\nas Elliot Ness.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Lust is fleeting,<br \/>\ntrue love lingers.<br \/>\nBe mine always<br \/>\nand you&#8217;ll keep your fingers.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Hope da chocolates is good, but y&#8217;know,<br \/>\ndis ain&#8217;t really what a guy&#8217;s heart looks like.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand<br \/>\nSo I won&#8217;t be a self-made man.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>When a goon makes you die,<br \/>\nCuz you told him goodbye<br \/>\n&#8212; that&#8217;s amore!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My love for you&#8230; it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement. I&#8217;m here To fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes. Lie down with me &#8212; it&#8217;s my final offa, Or you&#8217;ll be lying wit&#8217; Jimmy Hoffa. I picked up this card from a slim [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[945,1488],"class_list":["post-4210","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","tag-mafia","tag-valentines-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4210","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4210"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4210\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}